Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think your dad took our porno
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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