I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
