they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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