You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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