So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
