i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
