Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
