i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
