I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
