You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
