he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
