True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
