where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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