her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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