yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I lost the right to judge tonight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
