You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
