Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
