i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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