You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
