Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
