Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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