just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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