it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
