Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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