So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
