I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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