Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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