Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
