Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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