So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
