So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
