dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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