11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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