I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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