"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
