last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
