my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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