walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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