Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
