Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
