Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
