So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
