Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
