I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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