there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
