I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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