All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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