He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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