i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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