If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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