I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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