is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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