i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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