Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
