i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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