She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
