please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
