why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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