I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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