do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
