Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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