So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
