mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
