i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
