i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
