I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
