Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
