I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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