I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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