It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
