It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
