I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
