did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You pole danced in your parka.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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