the day after is always just damage control
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize